I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
