Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
