and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did i just pee glitter
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
