thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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