I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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