I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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