That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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