mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
