hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
