It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
