I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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