Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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