I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
