Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need water and some morals
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