thus making me awesome and them whores
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
