why didn't you poke me back
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
