i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
