I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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