she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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