just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
