I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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