My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
