I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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