god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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