There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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