the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
