so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
