I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
