She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
