I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
