Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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