spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
