Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
