But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
