apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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