I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
