I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
