someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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