Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize