I would go down on you faster than GM stock
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
