But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
