I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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