It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize