I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize