Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
