Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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