my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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