Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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