Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
