Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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