do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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