he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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