I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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