I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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