They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
