Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
