I must be too annoying 4 u.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
