After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
