There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
