So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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