If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize