I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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