ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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