So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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