God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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