sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize