Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
