Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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