My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
