gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize